The Back Story:
You ever meet someone and not know how to define your relationship with them yet? You both feel sparks fly, and you have a great time together. But, you are not in a relationship per se, you are still friends. You make out, you spend more time with her than any other girl. And perhaps you haven't even slept together yet, but it's clear you are more than friends. There is undeniable chemistry that only you two have. What is a guy to do? Should he pop the question, and no not the one on bended knee, no capital T or capital Q. But maybe do a little probing, and ask how she feels about being called your girlfriend. Perhaps drop hints, here and there, on how much she means to you?
Navigating The Hurdles:
The problem with this thinking, is it is very male logic oriented. Though no two people are exactly alike, often the linear male way of thinking, is to force her hand, and to just hurry up and admit you two are an item. Whereas, women are often, though not always, more emotion based, and will be more open to something like that happening, if the moment is right, not because it is discussed before hand and labeled.
The reason why it may not be a wise idea to try to rush her to hurry up and define your status, is that she will feel pressured and it will have the opposite effect. A man's worst enemy in a relationship is coming across as needy or clingy. While defining an ambiguous relationship may seem, to the guy, as just getting down to business, it could be construed as clingy.
And a relationship isn't about getting down to business, it is about sharing experiences together, feeling intimacy and building trust. I mean, it can be about a million things, but these are some of the basics. So when a man wants to define a relationship, these attempts can often turn loving behavior into resentment, or frustration when the other person isn't willing to go along with defining what it is that you both have together.
Acknowledging What It Is
You both know that it is special, but the ambiguity is challenging, or it can be. This is in the context of a relationship that is monogamous. Open relationships are a different animal all together, with a different set of expectations and emotions. There will be a follow up article about open relationships, but let's continue...
So on one hand, you appreciate her, because she has qualities that inspire you, and you are great together. You laugh, you go on adventures, and there is that undeniable sense of not being alone. You ever been in a room full of people, where everyone is talking around you, but you feel more alone than when you are actually by yourself? Yeah that stuff. You don't relate to the crowd because they don't see the same world you do. But this girl, she does, and it is incredible.
So on the other hand, you have been hanging out with her for a month or two, and want the security of knowing that you are indeed boyfriend material, not just a fling. So what to do?
Here is some advice you may find useful:
*Don't pressure her, let her fall in love with you, time will do the rest.
*Do romantic gestures for her, that are more than friendship gestures.
-This can be an art project she can tell is just for her.
-Not an artist? Make her a CD of your favorite songs.
-Take her out to dinner, to movies, for a walk in the park.
Above all else, instead of thinking only about meeting your needs, think about
what her needs may be. This doesn't mean acting insecure, and always
seeking her approval for everything you do. Avoid saying, "I don't know,"
like the plague. Be confident, make creative plans, but be open to adapting
and going with the flow. Women love spontaneity.
Stepping Stones to Milestones:
Be a gentleman at all times, respect her wishes to take it slow.
But also find a time to have a heart to heart. This is not going to
effective if you come across as demanding. But feel her out, ask
her if she enjoys spending time with you. If you're hanging out a lot,
most likely the answer will be yes. However, be cautious here, because
you don't want to push her away, by appearing too eager. But, you want
to have some self respect as well; you shouldn't be kept in the dark
about her feelings indefinitely.
She may have already communicated them to you, in more subtle
ways than direct conversation, so to pay attention to the details.
The Important Part:
The important part here, is to build trust. She wants to make sure you are right
for her, just as much as you want to make sure she is right for you. Maybe she is
still getting over her last boyfriend, and had a bad break up, or is afraid of intimacy.
Maybe she is talking to another guy and weighing her options to see which of you
is the better choice. Trying to rush things will not help here. Having your own life,
full of interesting and exciting things, and not just waiting on her to live and enjoy
life will put you ahead of the rest, always. Women like a guy who has got an actual
life of his own, not someone that waits by the phone for a call from her. Wait..
everyone has got an iPhone or Android now...you get the point though.
Be your own person.
You could be 100 percent certain she is right for you, but you both have your
own way of coming to the same place inside. So respect that too.
Nourish the romance, be the dashing romantic hero she secretly wants
but may be too shy to ask for. Find sweet ways to show her how you
feel, while maintaining your masculinity. Some relationships may not
be meant to be, sometimes she may not be the one, but she is the one
for right now. Just enjoy what you have, while you have it, because you
never know what tomorrow may bring.
Cheers, and good luck.